Are you in any form of contact with your ex? If yes, you definitely need to read this article. If you are contemplating it, be very wary, and read on.

If you haven't let go of your ex, either your current love life will deteriorate, or you will not be able to move onto a new relationship. Any relationship that you enter into after breaking up with someone will slowly be destroyed by contact with your previous partner, and you could even end up destroying yourself too.

Picture the scenario – you and your ex ended your relationship, and now you've moved on to pastures new. You have found a new partner who ticks all the right boxes, and you are settling into the first few months of your fresh relationship. Suddenly, without warning, your ex starts to muscle back into your life.

At first, it might just be the odd phone call, but then it progresses into something else. Soon, it starts to become more difficult to resist the urge to fall back into old patterns, especially if you haven't quite managed to fully move on from those romantic feelings. At the back of your mind, though, you know that if you carry on down this road, you will not only destroy your developing relationship, but you will also possibly create a whole host of unforeseen problems for yourself.

So what is the best course of action if you find yourself plagued by one of your exes? This article outlines the four major reasons why allowing your ex to re-enter your life, at any level, will be the death knell to your current or any potential future romance.

1.    Your ex will not give up

If your ex tries to contact you, and you are not completely clear about the finality of your relationship with them, then this will not be the last time s/he contacts you. Regardless of the reasons that your ex contacts you, however ‘tragic or disastrous’ their claimed circumstances are, you are no longer able to offer the support that you once did when the two of you were together. This may sound callous to you, but opening the door for your ex, even at just 1cm, conveys the message loud and clear that there is a possibility, even though very slight, that your relationship could be rekindled. This keeps your ex well and truly motivated, with lingering hope, to try their hardest to squeeze back into your life. It's important to remember that as soon as your ex reappears and asks for something that may seem very minor and unobtrusive, it's just a matter of time before your promising new relationship bites the dust.

2.    You are not taking care of yourself

If you have moved onto a relationship that shows a lot of promise for the future, then this is no time to feel afraid of telling your ex what you really want or need to say, for fear of upsetting them or making them angry. Put it this way, if you allow your fears of being honest with your ex to over-rule your better judgement, then you could lose this potentially once in a lifetime chance at true happiness with your current partner. You are the one who loses out; Big Time.

3.    You are not prioritizing or respecting your current partner  

If you worry about coming across as heartless to your ex when it’s imperative to turn them away, just think about the lack of regard and respect that you are showing your current partner if you cave in to these worries. You are demonstrating that you are making your ex your priority. Does your current partner deserve to feel uneasy, anxious, and second-rate? Communicating with a pursuing ex is a sure fire way to hurt your current partner and to put unnecessary strain and stress on the new relationship. If your ex is always calling or coming around, how can you ever build a successful future with somebody new? This situation will certainly lead to fighting, arguing and eventually, the loss of your new romance. Is it really worth risking a potentially fulfilling future with a loving partner for an ex who cannot offer you everything you need for a future of stability, security, and happiness?

4.    You are hurting your ex

By agreeing to open up the channels of communication again with your ex, not only are you jeopardizing yourself and your new partner, but you are being unfair to your ex. To give your ex false hope prevents them from moving on themselves. So whatever you may think, or how hard you may try to convince yourself that this isn’t the case in your situation, you are not actually helping your ex. It is easy to excuse yourself from coming clean with your ex, by claiming that you are considering their feelings to prevent them from being upset, but in reality, you aren't doing them any favors. Allowing them to go on thinking they may still stand a chance with you is unkind and is just hurting them more in the long run. The longer you wait to tell them that you have no future together, the longer you are delaying the inevitable, and the more it will adversely impact on them when you do indeed state the facts. There is also a possibility that your ex doesn't really want you back; s/he just wants to prevent you from moving on and finding happiness with somebody else. If this is the case, then you are simply playing right into their hands by allowing the situation to drag on. Granting them this power over you will only cause you pain in the long run. So in essence, the only fair thing to do is to help your former partner to accept that although the memories of the past should be cherished, they belong in another time, and cannot invade your futures.

In conclusion: You need to face reality

It is most likely the case that you are failing to tell the truth to your ex because of your deep-seated fear and discomfort of confrontation. It is also possible that you are comforted by the knowledge that your ex still wants you. Perhaps this boosts your self-confidence. However, how will your self-confidence fair if your current partner walks out on you because of your apparent loyalty and connection to your ex?

Nobody likes to stand up to their former partner and inform them that there is no future for the two of you as a couple, but eventually, the reality will have to be faced. It is an unfortunate fact that an ex may reappear in your life at the exact moment when you are embarking on a new and happy phase. This is simply because, although you have found a positive future, they have not yet reached that place, and they hope that, since you have already found satisfaction, they will find it too by re-establishing a connection with you.

You cannot afford to perceive your need for honesty as being cruel or unkind to your ex, as a dose of reality is what is required in this type of situation to be completely respectful to everyone concerned.

If you find yourself struggling at any level to come to terms with finalizing your relationship with your ex, you may need to refresh your memory of why the relationship ended in the first place. You can read my article here which could help to remind you of why it was time to walk away.

So at the end of the day, when your ex contacts you, you need to handle the situation by being completely open about the reasons you cannot re-engage with them. Make sure that the answer you give them is a resounding NO, and that this is conveyed under all circumstances. Even if your ex happens to send you a birthday gift, Christmas present, or worse, a Valentine’s Day gift, you must not accept it. The clearer you are that the relationship is at an end once and for all, the more likely it is that your ex will accept the fact that you have truly moved on, and they in turn, will more likely be able to move on.